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HEL SCANS
[Translator – Jjescus]
[Proofreader – Demon God]
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Chapter 32
All of Lee Jaehun’s actions were driven by highly rational calculations.
Humans naturally tend to exclude what is unfamiliar. They either fear or revere others, dismissing them as entirely different beings, or perceive them as something to be overcome through anger.
Two perfect examples of such unfamiliarity are humanity and death.
‘The problem is, neither of those concerns me.’
Lee Jaehun felt Constable Kim’s gaze, which seemed to be dragging him down, and covered his eyes with his hand, as if washing his face to avoid meeting her eyes. It was a natural gesture for him to feel so disgusted with himself.
Of course, it’s not that Lee Jaehun lacked humanity. It’s just that his humanity was something far removed from conventional wisdom, and for him, the humanity of this world was a concept that was difficult to grasp with current common sense.
Moreover, Lee Jaehun seemed to reincarnate after death, or something similar. The saying that everyone should feel the fear of death, spanning both past and present lives, didn’t apply to him.
Lee Jaehun was a fellow worth suspecting, even if he wasn’t a protagonist with deep thoughts or a detective with an unreasonably high guard. He had enough value to fear, reject, or be angry about. He was that alien.
‘But it shouldn’t be like that.’
This world is an adults-only survival game.
Nevertheless, humans are ultimately social animals, and Lee Jaehun is no exception. It’s just unrealistic for him to dream of living alone and enjoying wealth and glory. Like the natural order where what’s above requires what’s below, it was only natural for him to help the chicks of today to achieve what he desired.
Ultimately, it’s a bothersome and irritating matter…
‘Lee Jaehun’ had to become something acceptable to others.
Even though he didn’t value death and life, he had to appear as if he did, and he had to be seen as being swayed by excessive confusion and profound corruption. Even if all those concepts and situations were perfectly peaceful to him, he had to adapt to his surroundings.
That’s why Lee Jaehun created a nonexistent past and fabricated traumas from it. All he needed was shallow self-brainwashing and the traumas he had acquired from past lives, dragging irrelevant traumas from past lives into the present to create a new past for himself. He obtained new traumas.
And in most cases, nothing more was needed.
“…Um, I’m sorry. I… I shouldn’t have…”
A person in their right mind wouldn’t delve into such traumas unnecessarily.
That fact was evident from the way Lee Jaehun refused to talk about the incident where he nearly choked in his sleep. Despite being curious about what dream he had or what happened to him.
‘It is nice to see a good person.’
He didn’t hate this type of person, but he couldn’t help but find it inefficient.
Come to think of it, even if she’s a policewoman now, she’s aspiring to become a detective someday. Since she has some understanding of human psychology on such topics, she seemed to have noticed that what Jaehun showed was indeed a real trauma. Of course, it wasn’t something that arose in the present life, but rather from a pure past life.
He replied with a subdued voice.
“No, I’m fine. Really, there’s no problem at all.”
“…Are you sure? You seem to be quite injured.”
“Well, I did receive treatment though…”
Lee Jaehun covered his mouth with his hand, as if to suppress a smile. Sometimes it was just a habit without any intention, but at the moment, it was to restrain the urge to burst into laughter or to stop the lips from forming a grin.
“Yeah, really, there’s no problem at all.”
How does that person see me?
If it wasn’t necessary, Lee Jaehun didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. He imagined how the other person might perceive him.
Was he deliberately showing slight fear to appear more human? Just earlier, he woke up from sleep and almost choked himself as if he wanted to kill himself, and even Constable Kim didn’t bother to tend to the wounds caused by the outburst. Reflecting on it again, those weren’t exactly normal behaviors.
So how would Lee Jaehun, who continuously engages in such crazy actions, appear? Someone trying to maintain composure despite being suppressed by trauma? Or someone who is driven to unconscious self-harm but is unaware of their madness? Or perhaps a mentally ill person who doesn’t value their own wounds?
‘Whichever it is, he’s quite a troublesome fellow to stick around with…’
But that wasn’t a big problem. After all, Lee Jaehun had behaved quite normally up to this point.
He might seem a bit crazy, but he’s not incapable of daily life, and he’s trying to take care of himself, so he’s not the type who needs a lot of attention like a mentally ill person. Plus, he showed some combat skills when we first met, so at least he wouldn’t be seen as a burden.
Lee Jaehun now, regardless of what anyone said, was a ‘useful lunatic’. Regardless of his image, he wasn’t going to be undervalued.
He checked his body one by one and then spoke up.
“More importantly, is Kim Yeonwoo-ssi okay?”
Of course, he knew she wouldn’t be okay. He asked because he needed to take control.
It was inevitable, but Lee Jaehun didn’t like the position he was in, being protected by Constable Kim.
Being protected meant there was a protector and a protected, meaning his autonomy was taken away, which would be a disadvantage in front of anyone he would meet later, whether it be his team or a visiting detective.
Until now, the focus had been on Lee Jaehun’s mental state as a mentally ill person, but he didn’t plan to reveal any more of the underlying issues. He felt the need to change the current atmosphere.
Constable Kim blinked and then responded.
“I’m fine, as I said before, I’ve received treatment…”
“I’m talking about your mental state, not your physical health.”
Yeah, there’s no way she’s okay.
‘Because she’s a good scaredy-cat.’
Lee Jaehun inwardly suppressed a smirk.
Not everyone who possesses ultimate kindness is brave. Rather, it’s about surpassing one’s own limits and enduring all hardships and adversity, emerging as a hero.
‘Constable Kim Yeonwoo is a coward.’
A good coward, indeed.
Despite using her composed exterior and rigid demeanor as weapons, her essence doesn’t align with that. It’s unreasonable to think she’s in her right mind at the beginning of the story, even dreaming nightmares about people getting hurt or dying. There’s no way she wouldn’t have encountered monsters even as she entered the park’s pavilion.
And Lee Jaehun had a knack for digging into such mental weaknesses while pretending not to.
“Just coming out of the company made me feel queasy. I felt like throwing up, my head was pounding…”
“….”
“I’ve encountered monsters several times, and each time, I couldn’t breathe. I was speechless.”
It wasn’t that bad. Due to past trauma, there was some lingering emotional pain, but Lee Jaehun was adept at even using such mental anguish.
‘But such words are efficient in lowering the other party’s guard.’
Likewise, I’m using these sentences to let the other person know that I’m in the same boat.
Constable Kim was a person with a strong sense of duty towards her profession, so she usually didn’t bring up her fatigue, which in turn became a barrier in her relationships.
Lee Jaehun tried to create a common ground with her, demanding empathy. Whether Constable Kim truly empathized with his words or not, she couldn’t ignore Lee Jaehun, thinking of him as a patient who was suffering and struggling.
Sure enough, as her lips trembled, she nodded slightly.
“…A bit, yes. I was scared too.”
“I was scared too.”
With those words spoken, Constable Kim unintentionally built a minimal bond of empathy with Lee Jaehun.
‘Such empathy might feel forced, but it’s quite effective.’
Until just now, Constable Kim might have thought to herself, ‘I’m fine’. That could have been the truth. Lee Jaehun only knew her through books, so it was inevitable that he didn’t know everything about Kim Yeonwoo as a person.
However, words have a surprising amount of power. Stories that are not spoken directly and not heard disappear from the mind almost rootlessly, leaving only the stories told to the world with any meaning.
In the contradictory confrontation between ‘I’m fine’ and ‘I’m actually not fine’, the one that ultimately surfaced outside of the mouth was the winner.
Observing Constable Kim’s unconsciously curling fingers, Lee Jaehun pretended not to notice and continued speaking.
“That’s a relief. I was starting to think I was the only scaredy-cat.”
“…You also helped, didn’t you? Lee Jaehun-ssi, you’re not a coward.”
“Well, I’m quite fearful myself.” Lee Jaehun intentionally wore a tired expression.
“I have no idea how I’m managing to survive. I was in a rush to flee earlier.”
“Is that so.”
Constable Kim seemed to relax a bit at Lee Jaehun’s words.
He continued to subtly elicit empathy from her, though he couldn’t know exactly what she was feeling. After all, comparing one’s own pain to others’ has been a longstanding human tradition. Of course, Lee Jaehun wasn’t genuinely empathizing with her, but that wasn’t the point.
The real significance lay in the fact that Kim Yeonwoo, to some extent, accepted the person named ‘Lee Jaehun’ and through this, they could potentially lower the detective’s guard just a bit. Lee Jaehun felt like he was gradually breaking free from the boundaries of being seen as someone to protect.
‘Alright.’
Initially perceived as a dying patient, Kim Yeonwoo, through conversation, likely learned more about the person behind ‘Lee Jaehun’. This also meant that the term ‘protected person’ was gradually becoming less clear-cut in describing him.
‘Thanks to another survivor like myself, she may have unknowingly received a positive influence.’
Lee Jaehun subtly scanned Constable Kim, who was looking at the ground, without giving away his intentions.
Her gaze was remarkably dry and composed, almost like that of someone checking the performance of household appliances like a computer or a vacuum cleaner. There was no trace of human emotional exchange within it.
He thought once again.
‘Human beings are social creatures.’
That’s why, even while trembling with fear for a long time, if there were other people around, he would gain at least a minimum of courage. It’s the kind of courage that keeps you from committing suicide out of loneliness, at the very least.
It seemed that Constable Kim also had a rough idea of what the afterlife was like, and within it, Lee Jaehun, who showed a calm demeanor as a survivor with whom one could communicate, would be a quite welcome presence. Humans could gain strength from just one existence with whom common sense prevailed.
‘So, while I could probably manipulate her further to my side….’
It was good enough around this point.
Lee Jaehun turned his gaze with a new sense of popularity.
“Are you awake?”
“Oh, Grandma.”
He caught sight of the person Constable Kim called.
Her white, thick hair bore traces of dye in places, giving it a patchy appearance, yet she had it tied back into a bun. Despite the visible wrinkles and the frailty of her skeletal body, her glasses perched on her nose masked those biases.
The owner of the popularity was the old woman who had supposedly treated them and had been a main character surviving with the protagonist’s party for quite some time.
The old woman wrinkled her nose and muttered.
“They were all dying, but somehow they survived, survived.”
Her indifferent yet brusque tone was not much different from that of any other elderly person, but Lee Jaehun knew she was scrutinizing him skillfully. It was quite similar to the gaze he had shown Constable Kim just now.
Pretending not to notice, Lee Jaehun lightly nodded his head.
“I heard you treated us. Thank you.”
“Forget it, not necessary. Just lie down without bleeding all over the place, why bother standing?”
“I’m fine now.”
For a moment, he considered feigning illness like an ordinary person would, but then quickly changed his mind.
“I should start looking for my companions soon.”
It was already too late to pretend to be normal.
Although a doctor with specialized knowledge had joined the group, manpower was always needed in the underworld where people could die at any moment. Moreover, since Doctor Ha Sungyoon was an extra character, Lee Jaehun felt less hesitant about potentially killing him off if necessary for the story’s progression.
In that sense, Lee Jaehun was determined to somehow recruit the old woman into the group. If the doctor were to die due to unavoidable circumstances, or even if not, medical personnel were needed. If that happened, then the image he had already tarnished would eventually be known to her as well…
Then, even if he appeared normal now, in the future, she would only maintain her guard, and Lee Jaehun didn’t want her to be wary of him unless necessary.
He decided to comfortably act disregarding all common sense of the present.
“Um, are you leaving now?”
“I’m sure your companions are worried about you not leaving on good terms. It’s about time I went to look for them too.”
“That won’t do in your condition, Lee Jaehun-ssi.”
Constable Kim’s stern face contorted. At first glance, it seemed like she was angry, but Lee Jaehun, having read books, understood. The furrowed eyebrows were a response to anxiety.
Lee Jaehun thought pleasantly.
‘What kind of anxiety could it be?’
It could be seen as simple worry, but who knows? Humans aren’t such simple beings.
He comforted Constable Kim’s mental distress to lower the detective’s guard. He stopped any whispers beyond what was necessary, as excessive whispering would surely not look good either internally or externally. Therefore, Constable Kim must have felt comfort from the person Jaehun himself.
Well, Lee Jaehun was a survivor who could communicate.
He had the strength to escape from monsters for a long time and survive, so Constable Kim must have felt reassured by that. She was kind, but being a coward, she inevitably had anxieties and fears.
‘Of course, it wouldn’t be to the extent of friendship or obsession…’
She would feel at least a minimal sense of regret. That’s how he led it to be.
Lee Jaehun, consciously stopping his thoughts, replied.
“It’s not a problem at all.”
“What do you mean, it’s not a problem?”
The one who responded to Lee Jaehun’s words was not Constable Kim, but an old man.
“Don’t trust this old man. It’s nothing more than using a piece of cloth without even medicine.”
It wasn’t necessarily wrong, but he was skillful at it. Just by looking at how he applied an unknown cloth here and there and tied up broken areas, you could tell.
Ignoring his hobbling legs, he stood up from his seat and spoke.
“It’s been quite a while since you parted ways with your companions. It’d be worse if something happened because you worried unnecessarily.”
“Just leave it be. Those companions of yours aren’t all children, are they?”
“There are a few children, about two.”
“I see.”
The old man, whose tongue clicked once, soon turned his head. It wasn’t that he was upset or uncomfortable; it was thanks to her own indifference to everything in the world.
Only Constable Kim, who didn’t know that, remained stiff-faced, then quickly washed her face with her hands.
“Just a, just a little… Couldn’t you stay a little longer? At least until my leg can function properly. I’d like to go out and bring back Lee Jaehun’s-ssi companions, but my grandmother is here…”
“Will a wound heal in a day or two? I don’t think I can wait until then.”
“Then, then I’ll find someone else…! I just mentioned that the occupation of the companions I was talking about is a detective. If I find that person…”
“But didn’t you say you didn’t know where they are?”
“Ah, um, well, I, I can’t… I really can’t. I can’t show you my condition right now because I don’t have a mirror, but if I go to find the companions in that state, it will only worsen. How will you cope if you collapse while going?”
“…”
“Your physical condition is really not good. Even grandmother said so. Being alive is a miracle, she says. Just walking itself would be too much for you.”
Lee Jaehun shrugged nonchalantly, as if it didn’t matter.
“You’re not dead, aren’t you?”
“…Hasn’t that group of people ever forced you to do anything, Lee Jaehun-ssi? Really? Like, forcing you to work until you’re about to die…”
“That’s not it.”
“Then… are you working in some strange occupation? Like a gangster, loan shark, or something like that…?”
He chuckled involuntarily.
“What… what are you talking about.”
In this life, let alone, even in the past life, he was far from such a ‘strange occupation’. If anything, Lee Jaehun was closer to being on the side of justice.
But even with such Lee Jaehun, Constable Kim didn’t seem to feel relieved at all.
‘Well, they do seem to be not quite normal.’
They are just newly hatched chicks devoured by the underworld. They probably haven’t forgotten the sensation of the comfortable reality yet, so wouldn’t it be even stranger for Lee Jaehun himself to casually react to his own speckled body?
But Lee Jaehun was tired, and above all, he had given up on image management for such a crazy mindset.
Lee Jaehun, the odd one out in the village, answered with a touch of pity.
“Surely I won’t die on the way.”
“…I’m getting more anxious…”
“It’s okay. I’m not dead, and I won’t die.”
“….”
“And above all…”
He spoke, suddenly feeling a sense of melancholy.
“Really, we need to go before something happens.”
Like disgusting little chicks.
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HEL SCANS
[Translator – Jjescus]
[Proofreader – Demon God]
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